I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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