So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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