This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The air was thick with penises
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize