i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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