i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
