it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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