Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
