dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
