why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
