you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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