i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
