I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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