i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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