i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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