you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
