"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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