I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
