I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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