I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
