He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
