no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
