My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize