Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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