I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
