these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She announced her abortion via fbk
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
