I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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