4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you had me at cake vodka
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
