Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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