Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
