If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
