I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
