Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
