wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
