Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
