Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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