Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
