Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
