ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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