Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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