Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
