I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
