you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
