I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
