You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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