i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize