3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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