I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
