today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
