So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Randomize
