drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
