Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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