One girl and one boy is just not enough.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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