i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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