Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
