Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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