How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
