YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
