the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
