I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
