i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
