One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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