I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
this is an emotional support booty call
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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