I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
