Got a toothbrush?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
