why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
