So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
