that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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