Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize