remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize