i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
