okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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