so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
