Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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