Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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