my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
