I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
