hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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