just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
this is an emotional support booty call
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
