I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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