yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
