So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
