his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you inspire me to be a worse person
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
