..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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