I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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