I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
