guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
