I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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