do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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