I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
