Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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