ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
