I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
