you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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