Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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