And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
