And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
