i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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