I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
