we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
