I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
