Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
