i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize