O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
