There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
