Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
