when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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