Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize