at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
