You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
