We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
