My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
