It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
