This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
