why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
