she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
