You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
