david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
