Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
