I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
