If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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