i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
