Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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